thebagofholding:

“man i am so tired” stays up for 3 more hours doing absolutely nothing

maxterbate:

maxterbate:

Why dont you guys want Yahoo to buy Tumblr?

Free chocolate milk for everyone

i have just been informed on this

oohtheyhavenibbles:

bonesbuckleup:

So today I learned that Eucalyptus leaves have this chemical in them and when koalas eat the leaves the chemical makes them drunk but since koalas only eat Eucalyptus leaves they basically go through their entire lives perpetually smashed.

fasterfood:

why the hell do babies cry after they shit themselves like u got urself into this mess buddy dont make it everyone else’s problem. like have some fuckin responsibility for once

iwilleatyourenglish:

iwilleatyourenglish:

once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house

i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the police

ambitiousbard:

just be grateful that bing didn’t buy tumblr

iamonlydorb:

sucysucyfivedolla:

the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg

oh no I’m not falling for this one again

rabioheab:

earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that

multipack:

mom can i borrow $100,000 please i’ll give u it back when im rich and famous

(Source: perksofbeing-a-cauliflower)

alltimeangela:

why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend

warehouses:

breathe if u wanna date me

ok

asssasssin:

I just took a pregnancy test I’m not pregnant I’m just fat

emilioestevez:

story time

so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.

• me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
• me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.