“man i am so tired” stays up for 3 more hours doing absolutely nothing
why the hell do babies cry after they shit themselves like u got urself into this mess buddy dont make it everyone else’s problem. like have some fuckin responsibility for once
once my baby was being really annoying so i put it in the basement but then i forgot and decided i didn’t want my basement anymore so i got rid of the door and then decided to do the rest later and when child protective services came they couldn’t get to my kid so they just wandered around my house
i’m talking about the sims please don’t call the police
just be grateful that bing didn’t buy tumblr
earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that
why does leonardo dicaprio always end up dead in the water with no girlfriend
breathe if u wanna date me
I just took a pregnancy test I’m not pregnant I’m just fat
so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
- me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
- me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.